Juliana has me addicted to Courage the Cowardly Dog. The show is simply indescribably entertaining. I’ve been looking at the shows online. Juliana says she and Jeffery used to watch it all the time when they were growing up. It’s one of Jeffery’s favorite shows. I can’t stop watching the episode with Freaky Fred.
The rhyming, the english accent, along with the musicbox/children’s chorus is an excellent combination. I must get Michael to watch these with me.
I really hate how contagious these melancholic moods of paranoia are. Instead of clinging to Michael whenever I seem to be afflicted with them, I should simply wait them out in my room.
It must be so terribly frustrating to him having to reassure me of his affections ever three seconds whenever these moods suddenly strike. They only trouble him, and must really irritate him. And my melodramatic claims of worthlessness have no base whatsoever! That’s the worst part! And I know it! That’s what irritating. Knowing these paranoid thoughts of inadequacy have no sort of evidence backing them up.
Then by the time these moods subside, Michael is suddenly afflicted with them himself, and it doesn’t matter how many times I reassure him how much I love him, or how affectionate I am with him, he’ll still feels so miserable it’s unbearable to see him that way.
There is something so doomed and tragic about the whole despairing affair. And then those feelings of helplessness and inadequacy only increase when I can’t bring him out of them, and I feel so hopeless and desperate because I should be taking proper care of him and making him happy, but instead I'm only make things worse.
And it really is all my fault. Perhaps if I were more affectionate he wouldn’t be so doubtful of me.
Posts
2 comments:
Yes, Julie and I used to watch it all the time. I actually have all 100+ episodes packed up somewhere. If I find them, I don't see why I can't lend them to you so you guys can have a little 'marathon'.
The one that's stuck with me the most is The Tower of Dr. Zalost.
I honestly don't think you should ever keep anything from your Master. You'll only be alienating him and making him feel miserable because you're going through something he can't help you through because you won't let him, making feel completely helpless and powerless.
Better that you tell him how you're feeling, reassure him it's only temporary, and let him help you through it. Even if his support doesn't really help you because your mind is set on those irrationalities, and you just need to let the 'episode' run its course, he'll feel like he's being there for you and doing something, instead of simply watching you suffer on his account.
Interestingly enough, what you feel when he's in one of his melancholic, paranoid moods, is probably exactly the same thing he's feeling when you're having an episode-- he should be taking care of you and making you happy, but instead feels he's making things worse, and he's feeling hopeless and desperate because he can't bring you out of it.
The best thing you can do is support each other. He's not doubting your affections, so much as he's doubting himself, and whether what he's giving is enough to keep you with him and keep you satisfied and content.
You're all he cares about. It's very plain to see from the way he looks at you, to the way he sits you on his lap.
Keep taking care of him the way you've always done. It's really not either of you guys' fault that the other feels that way. The mind can be very tricky.
I really wish you the best of luck.
-Jeff
My poor darling! You really must stop worrying yourself over nothing like this. You think you are a burden to me when you're like this? Its really quite the opposite, it makes me feel useful to you! And I know that you will always do the same for me when I'm plauged with those nasty and unneccesary feelings.
Yes, Juliana has told me of this Courage the Cowardly Dog, she was surprised to know I've never seen it before. I think she keeps forgetting that I am much older than you all.
I look foward to you introducing me to them!
Forever yours,
- Michael
Post a Comment