Juliana wanted to listen to Maria Callas, but I wanted Piano, so we compromised and put on an Eric Satie record in my room.

I won’t be able to sleep in Michael’s room tonight, because Juliana’s sleeping over, and she can’t sleep by herself, so I have to oblige (I refuse to share my love with her in bed whenever I’m there, even if it’s just sleeping) and sleep with her. I left Aloysious with Michael so he wouldn’t be lonely without me (I’m a room away, and I already miss you).

She and Cassian came over unexpectedly today, and Cassian brought Jurassic Park for us to watch. I loved sitting on Michael’s lap and loved how terribly affectionate he was all throughout the film (whether this was out of some sort of reluctance to watch the film, and so better invested his time in kissing my neck, spoiling me rotten with his affections and what have you, or due to something else, I don’t know).

All throughout the film Juliana was miserable, because Cassian wouldn’t make a move on her. I have yet to talk to Cassian about where he stands with Ms. Mayfair. It feels as though it’s been ages since I’ve been alone with him. I’ll have to ask him out on a movie date some time, since I know there’s some films he’s been wanting to see at the picture show.

I know Cassian is extremely monogamous, and I know Juliana has been very curious to give monogamy a try, after growing jealous (not in the negative sense of the word, of course-- more of a ‘longing’ or ‘yearning’, than anything else) of my relationship with Michael.

I honestly don’t think it would work out. I know Cassian loved her for some time. I know he cares deeply for her now, but I don’t think Juliana is in it for the long-run. I think she’ll grow bored of it just as she did of being polygamous. And I don’t think she’ll commit herself fully; she’s too fond of her freedom to just give it away like that. Since I’ve never had that sort of freedom, and never will, I don’t mind being ‘chained’, as she calls it, to one person.

Then there’s the matter of sexuality. Cassian isn’t particularly sexual, which for someone like him is actually very odd. And Juliana is extremely demanding. With Cassian unable to satisfy her needs, I doubt she’d last long.

I think she’s just in love with the idea of someone loving her wholeheartedly and unconditionally, and of letting her guard down and reciprocating back without the fear of being used. She’s probably grown tired of the pure physicality of things, and longs for real affection and devotion.

Personally, I don’t like having sex for the sake of sex; for the pure ecstasy and physicality of it. It’s just something empty, and it feels as though two people are just using each other to get what they want, and that’s it. There’s simply no intimacy. And indeed, Juliana admits that’s all it is. She never ‘makes love’, so much as having just sex (for the sake of not repeating what she said, and sounding vulgar).

Because she’s afraid of giving in and falling in love, I don’t know how she’ll ever get what she actually wants. Between Cassian, Jeffery and Michael, she’s created a sort of safe ‘womb’ of sorts where she gets everything she needs. Unconditional love and affection she gets from all of them at no price whatsoever. She’s with all three of them on her own terms.

As for Cassian, as Emi pointed out, his attraction to her might be more out of jealousy of Michael stealing a treasured friend away, rather than actual love. Since he’s not the type that likes to lose, he might be confusing the two, or simply lying to himself.

There is always so much drama between the two. And he obviously still resents her for being constantly with Michael, and his being her favorite, even if she did stop seeing him as often just for him.

He’s always so irritated when he’s around her, or the two of them. When he’s alone with Michael he behaves very differently. More cocky and playful. And when he’s a alone with me he’s always very caring in a sort of ‘fatherly’ way, and he genuinely smiles and laughs and is a whole different person.

There’s always a degree of childish amusement when we go to the movies, and constantly mocks my chronic habit of continuously eating popcorn throughout the film.

The Velociraptors frightened me tremendously, and I think part of the reason I’m reluctant to fall asleep, is because I know I’ll be having nightmares (Juliana seems to have no problem sleeping, considering she’s passed out on the bed).

.....I think I’m going to sneak away into my love’s bed.. I mean, I left a light on in the room, and the music on so she’d feel there’s someone there, and there’s even her Pomeranian.